My healing at times does, surrounded by other dry bones, submerged deep in the valley…
Do you sometimes only feel despair deep in your bones, even when you cover yourself with the balm of prayers and proclamations?
I do. It has made me question..
How does my Father’s Heart feel when mine quivers in doubt that I will ever be healed?
How does He feel when He sees me struggling? When my head knows healing is my portion but my heart is submerged in sadness because my body feels as if it is failing?
He assures me that He will put His breath in me and I will come alive – so I know that I have more than His assurance to heal me through the cross.
I actually have His Word – that He will bring me to life during those dry seasons while I wait for my healing to be made complete, physically.
But sometimes, I struggle to just rest in His Word. Sometimes I need more. Sometimes I just tire of waiting. But God is always in the waiting so I go back to what I know, despite what I feel.
You see, I’ve learnt that when you hurt the most is when you must sing out to Him. The enemy wants nothing more than to steal your worship to Jesus, so you cannot keep silent.
“When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long” – Psalm 32:3.
So I go back to basics; I worship. I sing but not yet songs of praise – that will soon follow.
I first lift up the songs buried deep in my soul. The ones infused with my pain and drenched in my doubts. The ones that sometime cry out in anger, asking Him accusing questions…
I lift up that song – the ones filled with demands because I know my Father can handle them.
I may not know much else but I do know my God is bigger than my questions and doubt. I know only He can turn my fears into faith.
Then, I sing out my thanksgiving -12 things I’m thankful for everyday – a dozen roses for my Father. More often than not, I go way past 12.
When I stop singing, I wait for His peace and joy to flood in, and overflow through me because His presence always shows up when we give Him thanks and praise.
And “in His Presence is fullness of JOY” – Psalm 16:11.
Then I wait a little more.. Until His Spirit comes to flood my heart and I allow Him to breathe into the balm of prayers that barely covered my skin, to now soothe the dry bones.
And I begin to feel His strength overcome their fragility.
Recently, I realised there is something more that God has given us when it comes to healing.
“Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live’ – Ezekiel 37:9
To me, the four winds sound like community – family, friends and church whom God has placed on my path. They are the winds that surround me and breathe life into me when I struggle to breathe on my own.
I think community is very much part of God’s equation to bring healing to my dry bones until I am well and whole again.
On this side of heaven, healing is not yet complete and we struggle. There are too many of us who still battle – even though the battle is His, not ours.
Even when we are consumed by faith that He will never forsake us, there are many who still physically succumb to a lifetime of illness.
It took me a long time to come to terms with that and in some ways, I’m not certain I have.
What I have come to terms with is, I don’t need to understand. I just have to trust who I know God is because “faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” – Hebrews 11:1.
God’s nature is my one true certainty and in Him I place all my faith – no matter how long I wait to be healed.